I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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