rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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