my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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