you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
