I'm really into asian looking animals
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
