if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
