Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
