Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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