I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize