I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
