Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
