That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
