the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
