It's Friday. Sex?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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