It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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