If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
