i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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