i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
