I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
