I cannot find my penis.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
