she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
