I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize