i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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