youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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