Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
