party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
