Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
