apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
