tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
