i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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