Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
