So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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