Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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