John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
