I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
