i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
