census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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