I got chris browned last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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