I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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