He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
