I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
