toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
