i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
