the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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