god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
