she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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