College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
40s are totally the cure
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize