Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
