i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize