At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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