Will you blow on my dice?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
