Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
