I'm passing your future prison.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
