How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
