he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
