do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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