She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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