Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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