I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
