I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
