Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
