im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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