I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
