You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
