just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize