We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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