Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
