I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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