So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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