I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
