Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
