I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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