Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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