i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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