My friends, they love my intelligence
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
