Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
